2 is the proof of math is wrong and love is no more exists.

The 2, as a number, as persons, as facts.

For me being 2 equals to, honesty,fidelity,the choice . to be or not be actually, a big contingency, the revealence of the dilemma.

You have to be honest when you are 2 persons. If you did something when you are two , the assurance of the other will reveal the fact that you are the source. So, impossible to lie, there is no space,room it mirrors you what you had done.

You have to be fidel. Because there is no other option. You can escape from the other until when you not exist anymore. Therefore , the other begins on that point. So your existence tied it.

It is the choice. Just being "to be" or "not to be". There are whites and blacks when the gray exist there is no more 2 colours.

So the other reflcets you , what you had done,the must of your existence is the other, but still you are not the other , so I can differantiate the other and you.

let's finish with number ,
for amount we are 2
but we can not be 1 and 1 or 5 and 5 because we are different.
on the other hand you reflects me what I had done, so reflecting is what you see o we have to be same , for example like 1 or 5.
1 + 1 = 1 + 2

Maybe this is the reason being only 2, as a fact or persons is so diff..impossible, love may be never exist, and this was just the illusion that we want to see.

06.12.2011

Key words

No idea where the dream took place- the guy-theater-go,ng back home-family-aunties-kadıköy-berlin-telling lies-cough-holding my hands-my waist-leaving from parents-aunties- hearing some advice- going through Istanbul but it looks like a dock. maybe hamburg maybe izmir.

23.11.2011

Long time, long long time since I've written here..
I dont know whether my subconscious heard me or not but avoiding me for dreaming was really succesfull.
Due to being sick, since last week I am taki,ng some pills and my dreams are quite refreshing and happy-ended.
But last night I was raped, I was sleeping also in my dream and (in mydream again) I woke up I can figure out something was bad happened but I did not see/remember anything.I had been trying to be sure really I was raped or not and finding an answer to how can not I feel anything..

I woke up as same as in my dream, maybe 10 second passed am I stiil dreaming or not?
it was so bad. so bad.

That can work :)

According to research of Mannheim Uni, smelling good smells reduce to seeing nightmares ;) Maybe I should try ;) http://gundem.milliyet.com.tr/guzel-kokular-tatli-ruyalar/gundem/gundemdetay/14.08.2011/1426526/default.htm?ref=OtherNews

13.08.2011

In my dream,I was in metro in Berlin..It was the newest metro that I am in, but I do not remember whom I was with..
Suddenly between two station, I heard an announcement saying that " due to the high amount of carbondioxide in u-bahn, in the next station all passengers should leave the train as quickly as possible" I was shocked, this was the first time I heard such a thing .. The next station I went off from the train and I sat near bench, there was a policeman who informed us , you can leave the station on the stairs this part is cleaned by the cleaning-team , the other parts of station were still exposed to the high level of carbon dioxide.. Anyway, on the bench  there was a couple we started to talk..Later I saw that girls around 4-5 years old were playing hide-and-seek..Suddenly one of little girls with a blouse-yellow skirt, black hair(pony tail :) ) came to near me..On that moment I really want to snuggle her , she was just looking at me without talking .. Later the women of the couple started to talk Turkish and I learnt she was the sister of that little girl and their mom was the cleaning lady of that U-bahn station ??! I woke up :)

11.08.2011

This was shortest, naughtiest,dirtiest dream I had ever seen ! But the actor was afro-american everything was flawless.. ! happy waking :))

08.08.2011

I was travelling by a helicopter with one my friends from college (that boy I am travelling was not a very close but a funny guy) to the South America. But in my dream whole Chilie, Argentina were a part of ISTANBUL J and we were enjoying the view J But I knew that North America is still USA only Istanbul was enlarged ;) It was so peaceful seeing these countries above ..(Even now I can feel that feeling when I remember the dream) Anyway we landed somewhere in Central America and tried to go US.We were only saying “no, in US the houses are so nice, beautiful  but so expensive”..We were able to look houses from the boundry but not able to cross it L

This dream was like an episode of Cold Case, CSI:NY .. I saw myself at highschool but this one was a private one.It was a boarding school and only for girls ( By the way I always wanted to go a boarding high school in Istanbul which are usually foreign-language based and French ones were my favorite ) .Back to the dream , the girls ,we, were organizing a party at night but not a pajamas party a real one only between girls only there was a gnome who helped us ..We used so much balloons for the poarty but later in a room in which me and my best friend(the girls on my dream I have never seen them on real life) entered and see the dead body of that gnome..We tried to solve the murder but no way just rumors and panic..  

A list of dreams belongs to last week

Yesterday (09.08.11) I had two dreams , at first one I was living in Fairview with the whole actresses in Desperate Housewives J There was a ghost which travels among the houses by the way I had already joined their neighbourhood and had a house there. The houses are not haunted but we only aware of the existences of the ghost, whole the night we tried to solve how to get rid of it but failed.

In second one, because this month is Ramadan in Muslim countries ,usually every family organize a dinner in order to break their fast .Me and whole our big family was organizing such a big dinner at a place that I had never been before, which was a big mansion and belongs to my family. Before dinner whole family went to the market but we created two groups for cooking. It was a big mess at the market we cannot decide what to cook, to buy. We left that the market after a long time than the first group. Both groups were in a hurry in the kitchen , time flied away and we were at last ready to serve our dishes. However, the moment I entered to the dinner room everyone ( beside me, my dad and mom ) had already begun to eat. At that moment I pissed off and began to yelling them about how rude they are and how disrespectful they are to the so-called spirit of Ramadan. They answered me that they were so hungry and begin , and I asked “Had you been fasting for the day, you, all?” only my aunt whom is not sitting on the big table ,rather sitting behind of that long table replied “only I was fasting, and you were late for the dinner, so we begin” I said “so bon appetite” and I threw the lasagna to my cousin whom was gossiping about me whole the time of discussion. I walked away. 

07.08.2011

snoopy-old friends-ösym-beer-australia-shark-new love :)

the real dream

Hey,
tomorrow there is a wedding of my best friend..she is now living in a real dream.. A lovely husband, very supportive family, good friends.. and wedding will be at one of the most expensive houses near the Bosphorous ..she will be the queen as the meaning of her name.. I will update the blog after wedding..

Sometimes the dreams came true.. I wish one of these also for me

23.07.2011

Yesterday, again my life's raspberry-awarded actor is the main actor of my dream.We were in Mudanya ( a small sea-side old town near my hometown Bursa ). Again I was with my collage friends and he was there with HIS GIRLFRIEND who actually an ex-girlfriend of one of our best-friends( in real life asa far as I know they are still together, but in my dream they became ex for each other). I had learnt that just after he broke up with me , he begun a relationship with her. I had gone crazy , I shouted I cried I yelled at them how can they did such a thing to me , but the girl was a complete bitch and saying me whole the time ," look I loved him and he loved me and we were aware of each other since we met my ex boyfriend took up with the situation and also you should" the raspberry awarded actor turned me and added "actuallu I had realized I loved her this was the reason I broke up with you" on that moment my anger converted into a hate crime towards my feelings , my time , my best years and my (still) alive love ... And I woke up , I still remember every moment of my dream , my anger towards them ..this is still as alive as my love.. scheiße :(


note: I checked their facebook accounts the bitchy girl and my friend it seems that they are still together , but I hate her anyway
second note: today is our anniversary and almost 1 year passed since I haven't seen him ...

22.07.2011

brother -step brother-Bursa-home-father and mother-escape-sneak out-murder-looking for-crying-understanding of what a brother means

21.07.2011-2

This is my second dream.


I was at METU in Chemical Engineering department. I had a friend she was short and blonde she was crying because her ex ( after breaking up with her because of another women ) offered to designate a project together . But she was almost devastated an crying on my shoulder and singing a song .I was trying to support her also with that song...

21.07.2011

I had gone to my prev,ous dormitory in Turkey , only my roomies were different room was same.
Oh I have already forgetten ; also our boyfriends were able to visit us. I was sitting in the room at the first, alone thinking about my past 5 years.

Then my roomies came and suddenly HE came, I was shocked , he sat near me hold my hand , cuddle me ..and start to kissing by saying I have really missed you, now we are together again..I was stunning , try to standing but no muscles of mine was working ..

I was happy incredible happy..then I consult something with my roomie but she was angry she was saying why are you even talking with him ? remember , the past..I was now in between _ my roomie- my new-ex boyfriend and more importantly my love and my logic

17.07.2011

He was with me last night we were "kind of" together, he was in Berlin.. But that was all..

Dont think that I had paying no attention on writing here .. My dreams are gone..they are not my guests since 4-5 days or I dont know nowadays I am sleeping irregularly in the morning , during the lecture , at 4 am ..

I am calling for them , I had already lots of "things" and "think"s to miss.. I need them come soon

10.07.2011

switzerland-bodrum-big wedding ceremoney-hermeon (harmeon) -bridemaids-mother-in-law-hair dresser-crib-istanbul

08.07.2010

Last night , I was a guest star for Behzat Ç ( a turkish tv series, which is Turkish version of CSI:NY of course including more drama ) in my dream.

I moved to Ankara a new neighbourhood which is central but hish-status neighbourhood. This place was close to Cappadocia ( a touristic area in central Turkey, where old volcanos emreged different and gorgeous land-scapes). When I arrived that place with all stars of Behzat Ç, I had realized the colour of fairy-chimneys* are more red than usual and some of also covered with saphire,emreald or ruby that fascinated me. Later, I decided to interrupt all polices dialogues in order to solve out the murder but I saw two main characters fall in love which was surprising on that moment I thought I had to tell it to My friend Pınar K. who is a fan :)

My dream ended here. but still colors and those valuable stones are so alive in my thoughts

*fairy-chimneys = name of the landscape in cappadocia

bicycle , car , family , simit, pool,berlin,aunt

03.07.2011

yesterday, I was in my graduation day with same people that I had last year and almost the same day . it was like a deja-vu . Last year, the graduation day was like a all-inclusive hotel day ; sun,rain,happiness,proud,sadness,break-up and tears.. meeting with my family on graduation day ,they cried for me due to proud, I cried for me due to not to be welcomed my ex-boyfriend's parents.
I was at stadium again on my dream, he was there.. when I woke up , I was in berlin, I dont know where he is ..

02.07.2011

Today in my dream I saw my high school friends but I did not remember at all ; I should be quicker to take notes about my dream the moment that I woke up !

Welcome to the blur world of me !

This blog will include all my dreams day by day. I realized that almost every morning I talked my dreams to my friends and saying "can you believe it ?" "what type of an unconsicous or subconsicous I had?" or at least if I woke up, I took some notes to remember in the morning.

So , here not "I" am, here "me" be.